I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My hand turned me down
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
