my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
