Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
