Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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