i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this boner is exhausting
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
