we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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