Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
