I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
