my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
