remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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