So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
