so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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