how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
