roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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