i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
