coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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