She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
