Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
