Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
