She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You took a bar mat shot.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
