Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
