too bad you live with your parents still
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
