Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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