I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
