i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How does one acquire holy water?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
