Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
