Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
