when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
