I think my fart just growled at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
