I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
