i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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