Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Send help, water and tortillas.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
