You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
