OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
