True but thats because hes a fetus.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
