The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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