Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
