she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
