There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
