And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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