She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
