the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
