Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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