I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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