Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
