I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
