At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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