she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
