I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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