we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
