TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
