i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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