what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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