I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I smell stomach acid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
