You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
