It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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