and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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