I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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