all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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