how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
